Sauron, Base Master of Treachery, Furious at Depictions of Torture in "Fellowship Of the Ring."

Describing the film as misleading and "grossly inaccurate"  a representative of Sauron, The Necromancer, Lord of Barad-dûr and Base Master of Treachery has lashed out at the producers of the controversial film, "The Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of The Ring." 

The All Seeing Evil Eye of Sauron,
Furious at allegations it endorses torture

The spokesperson, known only as "The Mouth of Sauron" wanted to vocalize the extreme outrage of the forces of the Dark Lord at depictions of torture presented in the film. They're concerned that viewers across Middle Earth will believe  a series of extended scenes  featuring the torture of one "Gollum" to be fact. In the scenes, torture of Gollum leads to the discovery of the One Ring of Power which had been hidden in "The Shire" a remote hilly region in the west of Middle-Earth. 

Executive Director of the Armies of The Dread Abomination, and Cheftain of the Ring-wraiths, The Witch-King of Angmar has insisted that the torture of Gollum provided no information that was crucial in the discovery in the One Ring of Power. When asked for comment he responded: "In fact, it provided no information whatsoever. We were mostly just bored, and wanted to see how long he could hold his breath." 

Pictured: Peter Jackson,
the Controversial Director

In a letter to the Council of Elrond, The Nameless Enemy said that the "use of torture in the pursuit of The One Ring of Power did severe damage to the reputation of The Legions  of The Abhorred Dread that cannot be expunged. The film-makers and production studio responsible for this are perpetrating a morally reprehensible myth that torture is an effective means of extracting information and advancing the agenda of the Dark Lord. In truth, torture is merely an auxiliary tool for the extraction of information, often used as a tertiary mechanism for destroying the spirits of our enemies. In truth, the brutal occupation and systematic decimation of the local populations and rapine exploitation of its resources are our preferred method of making a population malleable."

Debate has been swirling of late about the responsibilities, or lack thereof, that are incumbent in being a storyteller. Many critics have pointed to the evident depiction of the efficacy of torture in the expedition of the discovery of the powerful artefact in the history of Middle-Earth. One film critic for the Barad-dûr Gazette  responded that "It just, makes us feel uncomfortable. There was a decade where nearly 80 percent of our population were vocal supporters of torture and the brutal annexation of our enemies. It makes us sad to think about that, so we would rather not see it all. If we do see it, it it would make our consciences feel much better if the storyteller changed history and presented it in a way that made it look like we were critically questioning the morality of our actions." 

Sorry, Wrong Movie

The producer of the film has remained quiet in the face of controversy only recently providing a statement: "I...but, you tortured him. Whether he said 'Bilbo,' 'Shire,' is surely non-substantive to that fact? Isn't it? Surely you aren't just using these complaints as a chance to absolve your guilt over a decade that resulted in the near complete moral and ethical degradation of Mordor? Because that would be a pretty shitty thing to do."

Rohan, or some other place. I can't keep track of this
metaphor any more.