Watch What you Eat: The World's Greatest Restaurant

As my closest friends well know one of my life goals is to open the world's most successful pop culture inspired restaurant. As you all now know, I don't do a very good job of setting reasonable/productive/rational goals.

In order to bring me one step closer towards having my only idea of any reasonable value stolen, I have compiled a preliminary menu for the world's greatest restaurant of the future: "Watch What You Eat."

(In the interest of not having the entirety of my idea stolen, I have provided a list of Alternate Names that you can feel free to steal for your own pop culture restaurant: New Grill, Wok And Roll/Hard Wok Cafe, Once Upon a Tyme In Mexico. Hey Food, A-Nom Maniacs.)

This menu is not to be confused with the food offerings at my future world famous seafood restaurant located in Steveston: "The Seaward."

Breakfast Menu: 

Game of Scones: Choose your favorite scones from a massively complex and difficult to differentiate cast.

Perks of Being a Waffle Hour

Planet of the Crepes: "It was really delicious all along!"

Lox, Stock and Two Smoking Bagels



Act Fast! There is No Telling How Long These Scones Will Last Before They're Brutally Murdered.

Appetizers:

Lord Of the Onion Rings:
Fowlty Tower of Chicken Wings: Much better than anything american tv has to offer.
B for Baguette-a: Served with "Certified Fresh" tomato juice and jam from local strawberry field "Forever."
Butterfly Shrimpsons

I Bet This Gets Your Appetite Going

Sandwiches:

Heroes Sandwhich: The First Bite is Delicious, but things get a bit confusing after that.
The AV-Club: "We Give This Sandwhich a B-"

Hail to the Beef
Steak Me Home Tonight Sandwich: Credit to Dave

Asian:

Of Rice and Men

Sesame Street Chicken: Brought to you by the letter D, for delicious. (Not Actually Street Chicken.)

Pad Thai-tanic
Citizen (Chow) Mein: (Editor's Note: This is a bit of a stretch.)
Ong Bak Choy

Happy Endings (Desserts):

The Walking Bread Pudding: Suprisingly enjoyable despite it's lack of consistency.
Pie Hard
The Piano Flan
Sun Tsu's Tart of War: Great to eat, or to leave on your desk so that people think you are an intense strategic thinker.
Undeclaired
Almost Famousse
C.R.E.A.M. Puffs: Protect ya Neck from sub-par snacks.

"Move swift as the Wind and closely-formed As The Wood. Attack like the Fire and be still as the Mountain."

Spirited Away

Port-landia: Put a Bird on It with this Pacific Northwest favourite.

True Blood-y Mary

Wish you were Beer

Coffee Anan
Pineapple Espresso
Young Juicetice
Clockwork Orange Juice

Pub Fare:

Mariah Curry (With Nicholas Sage)

Silence of the Lamb Chops (Served with Rick Rolls)

Bangers and M*A*S*H

Vegetarian Options

Weeds: An upper middle class single green salad with a dark secret. Also, no discernable plot.

Soy Story
My Big Fat Greek Salad

"30 Days Without An Accident" -- An Abstract

TWD-04-01//10-13-2013-80%

This episode was commissioned in order to provide a table setting, macro-lens analysis of the West Georgia Correctional Facility (hitherto referred to as “The Prison”) in the months following the conclusion of the third season of The Walking Dead. In addition, this episode endeavours to jointly examine the complex psychological state of main character Rick Grimes as well as offer a brief short story outlining the desperation of those who exist outside of stable communities during a zombie apocalypse. This episode will analyze these themes primarily through an isolated B-plot vignette and a CGI-buoyed physics-defying zombie battle.

Gimple et al. endeavour to introduce complex themes of community, alienation, emotional detachment and kick-assitude of zombie smashing that, with any luck, will prove as pervading themes throughout at least the first half of this season.

Also, Rick Starts a Gun Farm

This new episode will work on the assumption that a television program about the dangers of a zombie apocalypse stagnates in an eco-system bereft of “cannon fodder” and recognize the rapidly stagnating nature of previously examined themes such as “humanity is the real enemy” and “sitting on a farm for an entire god-damn year is boring.”

In order to examine the complex and multi-dimensional impact of “community” this episode will provide the following points of analysis:

-          The desensitization and loss of innocence in the youth community in a violent and unstable post apocalyptic environment as evidenced by the seeming emotional callousness of that cute blonde girl to her boyfriend getting chomped.

Looks Legit

-          A comparison of the effects of loss and bereavement on the psyche of the individual between a square-jawed immaculately bearded former sheriff living within a community setting and a dirty swamp-monster ladie living without.

-          The fragile nature (and indeed added dangers) of human communities as analyzed through the lens of a crazy eye-bleeding mega-ebola virus.

-          Daryl is a universally beloved badass. Just...he is. It’s science.

-          Renouncing alcohol will almost certainly be the death of you.

"30 Days Without An Accident" is necessary in order to provide a narrative foundation upon which new showrunner Scott Gimple can introduce us to the world of The Walking Dead as he envisions it. Each new season demands an original driving force in order to propel the series’ cardboard cutouts masquerading as characters between seemingly random instances of horrible violence. In addition, this episode provides brief nods to the stylistic changes he intends to bring to the series including Michonne learning to smile, vaguely meta nods to the breakaway stardom of Norman Reedus and even more nonsensical action sequences.  

Providing a generally positive foundation for future drama, this episode provides no small amount of hope for cautiously optimistic viewers of the breakaway hit. Whether this episode will stand as another example of Lucy pulling the proverbial football out from under our stupid, stupid legs is yet to be seen but there is certainly reason to have faith moving forward. 

Still Not Sure Who (Or Why) This Guy is Though